When 

When they can easily ignore you

When what they are doing is none of your business
When you aren’t given a second thought
When they act like you don’t exist
When you don’t rate high enough for a ‘hello’
When they don’t even keep you up on what’s going on or plans they make
When you feel like you don’t matter 
It’s because you don’t and it’s probably time to walk away. They won’t miss you anyway. 

Waiting

Do you know what it’s like to wait for somebody to come for you? It’s like Christmas Eve every night of the year. Except when they never show up you’re like a disappointed little kid.

When you’re waiting on someone that you really want to come for you, it’s a constant let down day after day. It makes you feel like a little kid who’s been forgotten about…the poor kid that Santa doesn’t bring presents too, and you wake up to an empty stocking. Year after year.  It’s the kind of disappointment that makes you want to cry. The kind of disappointment that causes physical ache. 
What’s sadder that a kid with no presents on Christmas morning? 
What’s sadder that waiting and wasting for someone that’s never coming?

Too long

When you have stayed longer than you should’ve it’s almost impossible to leave.

When you stay longer than you should, the need to leave grows more and more.

When you’ve stayed too long, the things they do get worse and worse.

When you’ve stayed longer than you should’ve, you could lose yourself.

When you’ve stayed too long you’ve lost valuable time you will never get back, you may become resentful and run the risk of becoming bitter.

When you stay longer than you should have, they have taken advantage of you, probably beat you down.

But when you stay to long, you can get strong enough to leave, clear enough to find yourself, and see your own worth.

Just because you stayed longer than you should have, longer than they deserved, doesn’t mean you can’t, shouldn’t, and won’t leave. Do it in your time.

Too long

When you have stayed longer than you should’ve it’s almost impossible to leave.

When you stay longer than you should, the need to leave grows more and more.

When you’ve stayed too long, the things they do get worse and worse.

When you’ve stayed longer than you should’ve, you could lose yourself.

When you’ve stayed too long you’ve lost valuable time you will never get back, you may become resentful and run the risk of becoming bitter.

When you stay longer than you should have, they have taken advantage of you, probably beat you down.

But when you stay to long, you can get strong enough to leave, clear enough to find yourself, and see your own worth.

Just because you stayed longer than you should have, longer than they deserved, doesn’t mean you can’t, shouldn’t, and won’t leave. Do it in your time.

Leaving

When you must leave for you, when you have to leave to save yourself….


I am leaving you for me. Yes, you heard that right…I am leaving you because I need to save myself. I am leaving you for me, so that I can love me because you not only fail to love me properly you prevent me from loving myself. Being with you, living in the same house with you, has (all but) consumed my soul. The dark shadow of your presence has clouded my thoughts, my feelings, and dampened my joy and hope. So, I am leaving. I am leaving because I have to get away from you while I still exist. I have to leave because I love me even if you don’t. I have to leave because I have a deeper more meaningful relationship with myself by myself for myself than the shallow, only focus is you, current relationship you and I pretend to have. 

So, good bye and good luck. I hope you find someone to love you as much as you love yourself. 

To You:

I’m sorry I didn’t choose you. I’m sorry I was to scared to give you a chance. I’m sorry that I was damaged and panicked when you loved me. I am sorry I didn’t try to talk to you then. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to let you in. If there is one piece of time I wish I could go back to it’s when you were in my life. I would go back and do it differently and even if I couldn’t change a thing, I’d still go back just to feel you love me again. I hate missing you everyday. I hate that all these years later I remember every moment with you and still can feel your breath on the back of my neck.

I hate that at 2:00 am you’re waking me in my dreams. I wish I could change things. I hope you’re happy and have all you deserve.

I wish I didn’t miss you but I do.

Happy Birthday

I don’t need a reminder that your birthday is today. I don’t need to see a calendar to jog my memory that you were born today. I don’t need anyone to tell me you’re one day older. I knew today was your birthday before I opened my eyes this morning.

Your birthday is one of those days that are written on my heart…just like the day I met you, the last time I saw you, the first time I slipped my hand softly into yours, the first time your lips touched my cheek…

permanently

written on my heart.

Wherever you are I hope you feel me thinking of you wishing you a happy birthday.